A Journey !

talking 2

Andrea, started her tale to me ” This Pain is from ages past, Unresolved grudges, rejection from people unknown, staring at my difference, my shyness and my struggle to stand out, the struggle between been normal, average or extraordinary, to shut out the voices in my head or to listen, the pain is from thinking I wasn’t enough, and maybe if I worked harder, fixed the exterior, and the interior made it acceptable to all maybe I will find someone accepting of me, maybe I would find love.

Yet, I have travelled many places, who can love a chameleon, true to itself yet adapting with every environment? Instead of being a peacock I made myself smaller and bigger as the case required ( it seemed like the smart thing to do) . How could I have been so lost? So hungry for affection to not appreciate this perfect piece of art?

Who heals our soul, when its been grazed? When betrayal and rejection taunts the core? What mends us? When we are so afraid to feel the pain?

The heartache or heartbreak doesn’t ruins us, rather the taste of our lovers past that haunts us and reminds us how penetrable we can be.

We are not as closed off as we think we are. Pain reminds us of our humanity and this breaks us even more. I hoped my walls were made high enough, that all I could manage was an august visitor every now and again but the heart suprises us with its strength, it tempts our humanity and betrays us more than we bargain because some of us are born all heart and no matter how closed off we seem, we long for a more intimate existence one enriched with effort, living not just existing.

How have I been so wrong? Chasing a dream, that anyone can complete me? When I myself i am incomplete? That is wishful thinking, to be a peacock is to be one’s authentic self, unapologetic for your awesomeness. A peacock does what a peacock does, to be the best peacock ever is the dream rather than living a life of a pigeon.

she looked at me and stared, peace strangely came to her, knowledge of her struggles past and she continued ..

Yet, I think I am comfortable with this pain, maybe i even willed it because I somehow refused to see the suffering ahead. Maybe, I needed an out ,an excuse to not try again, to say I have done my bit, in this quest. So, maybe I self sabotaged because fixing and repairing my heart and respecting it to wait for the right one is hard. So I got tired and tried to control the situation. Forcing something that was meant to be intermediate into forever time and time again.

Maybe, this is a reminder that as much as I plan, I can be surprised with unexplained joy & pain from detours. It may not be a straight road to the Promise, maybe I am the promise.  I am learning to enjoy the journey of self-discovery and happiness in one’s individuality and maybe every person we meet experiences a bit of us in their own special way. Maybe, the need to own one special person and to belong to one isn’t for everyone, maybe our purpose or my purpose is one greater than one man can bear.

 The truth, I will always hope for a life partner, a fellow traveler but I won’t be sleeping beauty, Cinderella or snow white, I am and will be me.

If any one decides to join me , he must be worthy of the person i have become and viceversa with a hell lot of explanations for where he’s been but most of all he has to have found his authentic self.

Authenticity sees itself, my soul should mirror his and be proud .For only then will this journey and forever, ever truly begin”.

As i listened and watched her , my dearest friend; i knew that she had begun a journey with a truly amazing end.

MAN ( a dying race…)

First of all, this post is meant to incite a reaction in the reader irrespective of the gender and if it doesn’t I as a student of life have failed on the task.

A man in the context of this post is not defined by the possession of a male reproductive organ or a woman as one with the ability to produce children. Who is a Man? What qualifies one to be called a man?

In children books and fairy tales a Man is a hero, the one who saves the damsel in distress (Cinderella, Rapunzel etc.).

In comics like superman, batman and my recent favourite “V”: a super hero is a citizen who is ordinary yet willing to do the unthinkable to create a future where everyone is rid of corruption and dishonesty.

In the Movie 300, a boy is trained on how to become a man, he is put through tests and at last he becomes a man like his father and those before him. He is trained to defend and survive.

In the past, men were defined by their craft: swordsman, blacksmith, farmer, trader, teacher, postman, worker (civil servant), a medicine man, a preacher etc.  When a man came to ask for a woman’s hand he explained his craft and how he could provide for her and how she could assist him.

Pause, this isn’t limited to money, I am talking about self worth, pride, integrity and a future. There used to be a distinction from being a boy or an adult with a male reproductive organ.

I was at boots the other day; the sales assistant was a father. His wife and kids were in store shopping & I knew this because the boy walked up to him and said “ dad I want to grow up and work here like you” and his father said “no”. The son had a puzzled look and said “why?” and the father said, “Because I wont let you”.

I know the economic situation is not favourable and people are getting retrenched daily and getting a job even with a degree is hard but is that enough reason to no longer aspire to be a man? Martin Luther king and others strived in challenges to be the men they knew they should be. Even 2pac a street thug hustled to be his own man no matter how he went about it, no one dead or alive can call him anything less.

Is laziness fashionable in the 21st century, or is it because of the unbalanced ratio of females to male that women are accepting males with male reproductive organs as men instead of waiting for a real man?

Or is it as a result that a man is a rare gem in this century and anyone who has him? Will have to fight off other women?

Lets blame the equality movements (no we cant). The women have improved but the men not so much!!!!

The most shameful, the able bodied with the male reproductive organ. I see them frequently at the city centres with their owners. What’s not obvious to the undiscerning is their invisible dog collar and chain. They follow these women everywhere and can’t leave their sight without a tracker (their mobile phones).

No wonder you don’t get dinners made for you, you are a loyal companion if you stray she will buy another dog.

A woman is a helper created to assist.  She is a queen who supports her king. Why are you making her lead? Why are you not a king?

The 21st century person with the male reproductive organ has given up on the high standards for himself, but his expectation of his female counterpart has evolved from that of the average man.

He requires a female with a minimum college degree, a job, to be well groomed, soft-spoken, and decent, a goddess in the sheets and a homemaker. His expectations has increased than that of his ancestors he requires her perfect without emotional baggage too (very funny indeed).

The 21st century female in the bid to become perfect has gradually started to loose her femininity and is becoming a man.

This Emotionally challenged and somewhat confused person with the male reproductive organ is like a fashion accessory (almost every female has one) , how does he differ from the toys sold in shops?

The toys require batteries: he requires food

Toys require casing& cleaning:  he requires shelter and pampering

Toys require participation; he require manuals on how to please (yes, judge me!)

The movie “the bounty hunter”: Milo Boyd is damaged by his wife’s leaving him that he is deep in debts and all sorts, till he gets her back, I weep).

Is this the evolution of men we admired as little girls?

Where is the masculine pride?

What the hell is wrong with waking up at 5am and hustling? Is it a dying trend?